Love You, Bro

I had kind of a bad week. And by the end of it today, I was just sick of it and started going a little crazy. I fought with my little brother Braden for like an hour after school. Finally I stormed off to my bedroom. I layed on the very edge of my bed because my dog was hogging the whole thing and did nothing for a while. I just breathed. It's going to be okay, I told myself. After a few minutes of relaxing and letting my steam out in a much less non-violent way than I had been doing before, I called Braden and apologized. He was so nice about it and said he was sorry too and acted like it was no big deal. Even though he can drive me nuts, he's such a sweetheart deep down. I love that kid. I'm grateful for families that love you no matter how much of a jerk you're being.  I wish the world was that forgiving.

Song Obsessions: November

So basically I got a lot of new tunes this month for my early birthday present. Taylor Swift's album Red came out, and then One Direction's Take Me Home. To put it simply, I LOVE these albums and practically every song on them, but I've chosen not to blow up my blog with the longest post on earth and I'm only choosing one or two songs from each album. And then of course any other song I've been obsessing over. Enjoy. :)

They'll tell you that you're lucky,

But you're so confused,

Cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used. 

~The Lucky One by Taylor Swift

Wish I could freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this.
I'll put this day back on replay and keep reliving it.

~Truly Madly Deeply by One Direction~

Every time I tell her how I feel,
She says it's not real.
She's not afraid of all the attention,
She's not afraid of running wild.
So how come she's so afraid of falling in love?
~She's Not Afraid by One Direction~

Okay so this next song is seriously one of my favoritest songs of all time, and I absolutely ADORE this cover of it.

Some people want it all, but I don't want nothing at all,

If it ain't you, baby. If I ain't got you, baby.

Some people want diamond rings,

Some just want everything,

But everything means nothing,

If I ain't got you.

~If I Ain't Got You by Maroon 5~

Twitter Rant

I know this post is way hypocritical because of my last post, but I have a rant that I just need to get out. Feel free to tune out now. :)
................................
I got a Twitter a few months ago so I could be updated on what's going on with my five husbands (One Direction, obviously). The first thing I did was follow my boys, but soon afterward I followed a couple of my friends. Namely (well, not namely namely... more like specifically), one of my best friends and my ex-crush (Is that even a real term?).
I have un-followed and re-followed my ex-crush like 400 times so far. Whenever there's a football game going on, I unfollow him because all he tweets about is football crap/yelling at teams/players/refs. Another reason I unfollow him a lot is this stupid girl that he tweets TWENTY-FOUR/SEVEN. They have never met a day in their lives and go to different schools and are in different grades, but they are constantly flirting via Twitter. You'd think they were boyfriend-girlfriend or something when in reality, they have no idea who the other is. He tweets her more in a day than he texted me the entire summer and we actually met in real life and hung out every freaking day for like all of Jr. High. It's so annoying and drives me absolutely insane.
When I REfollowed him again this week, the first post I saw was about how even though he didn't want to go back to school, at least he would see his dear beloved crush (a completely different girl). I'm going crazy here.

My other Twitter-woe-of-the-day is one of my best friends. She and I like to play Truth or Truth whenever we hang out (it's Truth or Dare minus the Dare). One time she asked me to name my top 5 best friends in order. I did so completely honestly (she was number two). I asked her the same question and she said I was her number one. But I really only asked that question to see if she'd lie to me because I know for a FACT that her other best friend is her number one (her REAL number one BFF is the one she goes to school with, tells all of her secrets to first, goes to her house when she has a bad day, etc.). I brought this up but she just blew off all of my evidence said that I really am her number one. I stopped bugging her about it. Once I got on Twitter I was reminded of the truth. Sure enough, she posted one thing about me in which I was referred to as her "friend." On the other hand, her REAL best friend had many posts written about her, ranging from "Hanging out with my best friend! #WhippedCreamMustaches" to pictures of them together titled "Me and my best friend at a ballroom competition!" Her real BFF is in her profile picture on Twitter AND her cover photo on Facebook (the photos are titled "My best friend!"). Seriously though, I really don't care if I'm not her best friend because I have another best friend too. But the question that has been like a knife digging deep under my skin and twisting around is: Why lie to me about it??? I just don't get it.

UGH.
............................
Okay. I'm done now.
Have a nice day. :)

Make It the Best

I have nostalgia problems. Sometimes I feel like all I do is think about what was and what could have been. But all of that is a waste of time. There's no such thing as time travel, and you can't ever go back. If you live your entire life looking back on the past, eventually you'll reach the point that when you look back, there's nothing to see.
We need  to accept the phases of our lives as they come. You can't change what happened yesterday, but you CAN change what happens today. Embrace the fact that you're growing up. Make the best of every phase of your life because they all have something good to offer.

"I think people need to realize I'm not changing, I'm just getting older. . . I'm just growing up." --Justin Bieber

Whatever.

Sometimes I remind myself that I really have no idea who reads my blog.

And maybe I shouldn't post some of the things that I do.

But then I'm like,

whatever.

Blowing Our Cover

One of my best friends, Ale, was on vacation in California surfing her butt off while the rest of us just sat in school today. A common activity for our group of friends (the five of us, when Ale's there) is to conveniently show up wherever Ale's crush happens to be at lunch. We're oddly supportive of her stalking. But I guess that's what high school is... the time to stalk without getting a restraining order.
Today we were texting Ale at lunch and she said our mission was to say hi to her crush. We decided to videotape it so we could show her when she gets back.
Something you should know is that her crush is constantly flirting with her in one of her classes, but has NO idea who the rest of us are. And without her there, he probably thinks we're just a bunch of random creepy girls.
Well today we were sitting at our normal lunch tables at the end of the school where nobody goes and where we can gossip in peace when we saw him at his locker nearby. We quickly planned our strategy and went through with our plan. We walked cooly down the hall past where he stood. Brenda said hi to him and called him by name, and he waved back at us with a slightly confused expression on his face. Tye held up a phone and pretended to text but actually videotaped the whole thing.
Once the deed was done, we walked swiftly down the hall and all ducked around the corner into a deep doorway. We were all freaking out about what we had just done and watched the video that Tye took. "Oh my gosh," I said near the end of the video, "that was so awkward when he said hi to Brenda and then he just looked at us all weird and--"
And at that exact moment, he walked right past the doorway we were hiding in, looked at us with an unreadable expression on his face, and continued down the hall. I was SO embarrassed. I felt my entire body get hot and all I could think was WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?
We totally blew our cover.
I called Ale and said that basically, we can never stalk her crush again. "Nice going, guys," she said.

Yeah. We try.

Nightmares

I had one of those nightmares last night. The really long ones that feel so real. You can smell, touch, and hear so clearly that it feels like reality. A new, terrifying reality where your dream self wonders how their life ended up in that place, and by the end of the dream you're in tears because of how much you hate that reality and wish you were gone, finally to wake up and realize it isn't real. 

And then you lay there in your bed in the middle of the night, engulfed in darkness and surrounded by shadows as the dream still echoes through your mind, tormenting your tired spirit. You lay still, afraid to move, afraid to breathe, and much too afraid to fall back asleep.

Twisted

I can't even tell you how much this is the story of my life.

And it really is twisted.

If I Never Knew You

One of my high school friends asked about my Jr. High "love life." I told her it was a long story (basically this entire blog and more besides). She said she really wanted to hear it. So I typed it up. It was a summarized version, but it was five pages long. Telling the whole story at once really had me thinking... A LOT. Even though a lot of hard things happened, I'm happy I was able to learn so many lessons. I kind of touched on this subject a few posts ago, but even if at the time I wished I had never met certain people in my life, I'm really glad I did.

So I know that basically all I do is post songs on here... but I have been listening to this song 24/7 and it really says a lot. It is "If I Never Knew You" from the 2005 version of Pocahontas.

I'm so grateful to you, 

I'd have lived my whole life through,

Lost forever, 

If I never knew you.

Growing Up

This past Halloween I didn't go trick-or-treating for the first time ever. I only got two pieces of candy the entire day. But I think I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that my childhood is over. In Jr high you can kind of live in both worlds, but I'm in high school now. I guess it's time to take a step forward.

Also this week I had some interesting experiences that really strengthened my testimony. My friend has been having a really hard time in her life, and as we were talking about it, I somehow ended up sharing my testimony with her. And sharing it made it grow so much more. I'm so grateful for the people and experiences we have in our lives that help us to learn and grow as a person.

Growing up can be no fun sometimes, but I love being able to learn new things every day, and to look in the mirror and watch myself change for the better.