Sunday, March 18, 2012

Just Met

It was one of those moments I'd never thought I'd have. Just sitting there on his living room couch. Just small talk with someone I had just met. But for some reason, it seemed a lot more important than that.

The story starts in eighth grade. Eighth grade was party time for Ally and I. We told each other detailed stories of our adventures with our other friends, the people we didn't like, and especially our crushes.
Ally was crushing on a ninth grader. He was kind of short with golden brown hair and a wannabe-gansta' attitude. She and him weren't super close, but she sat by him in one of her classes and, after a while, was no match for his boyish charm. We saw him in the halls one day with his friends, and we couldn't help but notice that one of his friends stood out from the rest. It took us but a second to figure out what it was. 
His monumentally large head.
He was tall with narrow shoulders and a thin body. But right on top of it all sat a huge head topped with short dark curls.
"You should marry him," Ally said. I laughed in surprise. Sometimes I had no idea where her ideas came from. I treated it like a joke only told once, but Ally was determined to keep it going. Every time we saw him she referred to him as my "husband". We later found out his name, but his former title had already stuck. Soon it became one of our inside jokes that we mentioned every once and a while and laughed at. 
Near the beginning of ninth grade I made a new friend. She and I talked at school and she was super sweet and fun. When I told Ally about her and mentioned her name she made a connection that hadn't before occurred to me. "Whoa! That's your sister-in-law!"
Much later in the year my "sister-in-law" and I planned a movie night at her house. I arrived and walked up the porch steps listening to piano music filtering from inside the house. When I knocked on the door the music stopped. Footsteps. The blinds from the thin window next to the door lifted a bit, and I stared into the small crack to see brown eyes. Brown eyes connected to a large head topped with short dark curls. 

I had to remind myself that he had no idea who he was as he opened the door. I asked him if his sister was home.
"I don't think so," he told me. His voice was deep.
"She invited me to come over at 7..." I said, trying to look less confused than I was.
"Do you want me to call her?" he asked. 
"No, I can call her," I said. I scrolled through my contacts, expecting the door to close and to be left on the lonely porch. I only had a moment to ponder on that thought when he invited me in.
I stepped in the house. It smelled and looked clean with a shiny grand piano and brown leather couches. I called my friend and she apologized profusely for forgetting about our movie night and said she was headed right over. "My husband" asked for the phone and I handed it to him. He talked to her for a minute and probably made her feel super guilty before handing the phone back to me. I hung up. He invited me to come and sit on the couch while I waited for her to arrive. I sat down and so did he. 
"What's your name?" he asked. 
"Tessa Hatchett," I said, "what's yours?"
It was one of those moments I'd never thought I'd have. Just sitting there on his living room couch. Just small talk with someone I had just met. But for some reason, it seemed a lot more important than that. 

When my friend got home she apologized some more and we continued on to our activities. As she and I talked I found out her brother sings and plays drums, guitar, and piano. It was like all of the sudden he was becoming less of just an inside joke and more of a person. A person who lives in a house and goes to high school and has hobbies and talents and friends. I'll never forget that feeling.

And I'm pretty happy to have finally met "my husband".

Friday, March 9, 2012

Dinner Time

We sit around the dinner table eating something that has no wheat, sugar, or pasteurized dairy. Everyone compliments Mom on her amazing cooking. I ask my parents how their days at work were and ask them to say 5 good things about their day. After they come up with a few I rattle off 6 or 7 really good or really bad things about mine. Braden begs everyone to either play Uno with him or take him to the Orem Recreational Center. We throw food scraps at the dog and when we don't she sits under the table waiting. I run through every event of my day in detail and update the family on my social life. They all basically ignore me, but I don't really care. Janell comes in from working at the horse barn. She smells like alfalfa and dust. She gets in the shower. We finish dinner while Mom and Dad discuss political matters and Braden and I have staring contests with doofy faces across the table. We discuss our individual and collective schedules for the week. After dinner we clean up the kitchen and clear off the table.

We are family.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Wall

There's a wall between you and I.
It's made out of the thickest of concrete and the hardest of rock. It's monumentally tall, towering over everyone around us. It's impenetrable.
And yet we still send out our armies, determined to do some damage. They scream their battle cries. They shoot their cannon balls. Both sides receive permanent damage. Both sides will never be the same.
The war rages on, getting more violent by the day.
Why do we fight like this? Let's take the whole wall down, let's climb to the top. We could be allies so powerful we could conquer the world. We both know this is true.
But we still scream our battle cries, still shoot our cannon balls, and the war will forever rage on.
The great war fought over the wall between us.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Math Blues

I was always good at math. When the teacher explained a new concept, it just made sense. If you had two apples and added another two, you then had four apples, and my brain had no trouble comprehending it. It stayed that way for years. All through elementary school math was fast and simple. In seventh grade I skipped Pre-Algebra and still Algebra was an easy A. I enjoyed having the top test scores in the class, even though no one else knew I did. Geometry was a misery because my teacher was evil and I figured it wasn't  my fault that I started getting B+s.

Algebra 2 has been like nothing I've ever had to endure before. I rarely understand the lesson in class and have to go home and study the textbook (which of course is written in jibberish...). If I get a B on a test I'm extremely proud because most of the time I get a C or C+, even after doing every homework assignment and solving every problem on the test.

It is the most frustrating thing in the entire world.

I feel a loss, like a part of me is gone and was replaced by something hideous and foreign. I've failed myself.

I think my biggest fear for high school is Pre-Calculus. I don't know if I'll survive.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Celebrity Crushes.

I've decided to bless you all with these lovely photos of my celebrity crushes. Enjoy.

Justin Bieber.
Age: 18 on March 1st
Canadian
Fact: I have18 Bieber songs on my iPod and I've seen his movie Never Say Never approximately 14 times.

David Archuleta.
Age: 21
American (Technically 1/2 Honduran on his mother's side)
Fact: I've met him in real life at Deseret Book, he signed my magazine. I also saw him live at the MoTab Christmas concert 2010.
Fact #2: He is LDS and going on a mission soon.

Harry Styles.
Member of One Direction.
Age: 18
British
Fact: HE HAS GREEN EYES.<3

Cody Simpson.
Age: 15
Australian
Fact: I'm one month older than him.

Bruno Mars.
Age: 26
Hawaiian
Fact: I've been to his concert... it was amazing.

---------------------------------
True story.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

It's Not Love

I haven't blogged much lately because most of what has gone on in my life and in my head lately I really don't want the whole world to read.
I'll start off this post by saying that teenagers ages 12-16 learn a lot of new things about life in general all at once. A LOT.
I've learned a few more new things the past few weeks. Some things I learned with the help of others. 
One thing is that I like a good story. A good love story, too. I also learned that I've never been in love, even when I thought I was a few times. (Romantically, that is.)
I researched a lot on the difference between 'like' and 'love'. I concluded that when you love you just know. And when you question it, it's not love. I guess that's a good enough answer for me. I know I'm only fifteen and have a lot more time to learn more and eventually love, so I've decided I'm just going to stop worrying about it.
I'll just stick to listening to good advice by Taylor Swift.
"When you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you,
You're gonna believe them.
And when you're fifteen don't forget to look before you fall.
I've found time can heal most anything,
And you might find who you're supposed to be.
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen..."

Happy Valentines Day everyone.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Over and Over

"Wise men say only fools rush in,
But I can't help falling in love with you."
--Elvis Presley
Thanks to Footnotes, this has been in my head all day.
Also today I had one of those moments. One of those sweet moments in one of those perfect days. The ones you keep playing over and over in your head and you don't know why.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Friend #2

I haven't really felt like blogging lately because I knew I couldn't keep myself from saying something really stupid. This post may be really dumb anyway. But if it is, don't tell me.

The past few weeks I've felt like Friend #2. My group of friends have parties without me and post the pictures all over Facebook. When my friend's apartment set on fire a few weeks ago and she came to sleep at my house, she admitted if Ally had been home she would be at her house instead of mine. I don't know, little things like this have been happening everywhere I go. I feel like the friend people only talk to when the rest of their friends are busy. Like they're all thinking, "If absolutely nothing else... there's Tessa."

This guy from school liked me ever since 7th grade and it wasn't until recently I finally started softening up to him. On Thursday at my friend's house she was talking to him on the phone. I was in the other room and the phone wasn't on speaker, but I could still hear everything they said. She was teasing him and quizzing him on his crushes. "Would you ever marry ********?" she asked him.
"Yes," He said.
"Would you ever marry Tessa?"
"No."
I stood around the corner, perfectly still, making sure I could hear every word. After they switched subjects I walked back into the room and lay down on the couch. I don't care, I said in my head, his opinion of me doesn't mean anything. But when the gorgeous girl he DOES like showed up at the door, I felt a little different. "Hey Tessa," she said as she walked in. I didn't reply. I didn't feel like talking ever again.
"Are you okay?" both of my friends asked in unison as they hung up the phone.
I shook my head, but I didn't want to explain. I didn't want to marry him in the first place, it's kind of obvious I wouldn't, but I felt like Friend #2 more than ever before. Like I would never be important enough to anyone to ever be their #1. The more I thought about it the more I felt like crying. I pulled a pillow over my face as quietly sobbed, two hot tears sliding down onto the couch. They sat by me the entire time.
 When he texted me and asked what was wrong, the sadness melted away and all I felt was anger. I told him I heard everything and that I didn't want to talk to him at all. That was pretty much the end of our conversation.

Last night Kayla and I went to Guru's restaurant in Provo to see Allred perform. Before we left we did each other's hair and make-up. I told her my story and how I felt about everything that had been going on. "You're my #1," she said with a smile. I couldn't have been more grateful to have the most amazing sister in the world at that moment.

She's MY Friend #1.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Monday, January 2, 2012

Uninvited

I had one friend that I had throughout my entire childhood. I've been invited to every birthday party she's ever had, and the same the other way around. Until now, I guess, because I'm pretty sure she didn't skip out on a Sweet 16. The party isn't even important, it just makes me wonder what it all means...