Goodbye Cruel World!

We went on a YW hike to prepare for camp. After perspiring gallons of sweat, drinking a ridiculous amount of water, and being harrassed by bugs, we finally got home after FIVE HOURS up in the mountains. I know some people love the mountains, and I admit, they are beautiful, but they are not my ideal spot. I like the mall, cities, school... places like that.

Well guess what? I'm going to Girls Camp. Yes, I know you will all miss me....... or maybe you'll just be happy to rid of me. Who knows? We're just hoping I won't die up there. Maybe from heat, being so dirty (patooie!), bugs, being without family, going to the bathroom in the dreaded biffys, or plenty of fatal things such as these. Will I survive? We'll just have to find out.

In the meantime, enjoy your life without me in it, and goodbye cruel world!

Finding Me

I was mad at my mother, and I thought some terrible things. I wondered, Why am I me? Why isn't my life as good as his or hers? Why doesn't anyone love me? I lay on my bed that Sunday evening, and suddenly, I was looking up scriptures. I was searching for answers, expecting a splash of cold water in my face and to realize I'd been wrong all along. I did find an answer, just not as quickly as I thought.

I was bored that Monday afternoon when I looked through the box. I never knew what my mom's small box was for. I found it was full of goals. Paper after paper... places she wanted to go, things she wanted to do, projects she wanted to finish. I came accross a list titled "If I knew I couldn't fail I would..." My eyes welled up with tears as I read, "Help Tessa find her best self." She really does care about me, I thought, I'm such a terrible daughter. In a flash, I wrote her an apology letter. She told me she cried through the whole thing.

Wednesday seemed to pass normally until the fireside. I all of the sudden felt strangely outgoing. As a lot of you know, I get really shy around lots of people I don't know. But for some reason, I just started talking to everyone. I talked to the leaders, I made friends with a younger girl, and I felt amazing. In my spurt of socialism, I recieved many compliments. One person said I was funny and entertaining. Another said she couldn't help but stare at my "beautiful eyes."

I was happy. It wasn't the happiness that you get when something good happens to you, it's being uplifted in spirit. Feeling free. And no matter what disappointing thing happened to me, I felt so good. I was purely happy to exsist.

I'm Tessa Elizabeth Hatchett, I live on this BEAUTIFUL earth, and I know the greatest people to ever live. I've found my best self.

And I absolutely, positively, LOVE my mother and will for forever and longer.

The Story of a Girl With Little Patience

Once upon a time there was a girl named Tessa. Now, this girl was very stubborn and lacking in patience when she was excited for something. One morning she was waiting for a certain piece of mail to appear in her family's little black mailbox. Or maybe she was waiting for the short-haired mail woman to drive up in her little cart. Either one works.

So she sat down on her couch. It was 11:00 a.m. "Is it 4:00 yet?" she mumbled to her mother. "Somewhere." she replied as she walked up the stairs. Tessa bowed her head and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally she looked back up at the clock. 11:02. Will this day EVER pass?!? she thought. She listened to music, eavesdropped on her mother's visiting teacher's lesson, took pictures of random things, and removed all of the nailpolish off of her nails. Finally, it was 12:00.

"Mom, this has been, like, the longest day of my life," Tessa whined pathetically as her mother ignored her. She said to ___________, a close friend of hers, "We're supposed to get our schedules in the mail today. My neighbors will think I'm a freak when I sprint out to the mailbox." he replied, "oh great, school is starting. well at least your excited"

It seemed not everyone was as happy as she was about school.

Hours passed. 4:00 p.m. Tessa raced out to the mailbox only to find it empty and her neighber, Spencer, staring strangly at her. "Uhh..." she mumbled, "I was just checking something." She ran back inside before anyone else saw her. As she started painting her fingernails, she requested of her brother, "Hey Braden, do you wanna' tell me when the mail truck comes?"
"It just did."
"Really??!?!"
"No."
"Ughh, you're fired."
"Okay... it came"
"You're pulling my leg, aren't you?"
"Seriously."
And once again Tessa swung open her front door with it's usual creak and flung herself over to the mailbox, this time finding it filled with paper. She took out the stack and sifted through. No schedule. Her hopeful heart shattered into a million disappointed pieces. Cameron, her other neighbor, yelled over at her from the yard next door. "Tessa, I didn't get mine, so if you got yours, I'm gonna' have to beat something up." Spencer looked up at Cam, "Not me, I'm protecting myself with this lawnchair!"
Tessa marched inside, leaving the boys and their shallow coversation behind.

The next morning she woke up thinking, This is it. I'm getting it today.And if I don't, I might just go outside and violently beat the mailbox with a baseball bat. Heh, heh... just kidding. She slithered out of bed and up the stairs.

Soon it was 10:00, and Tessa was pacing the house. Every minute lasted a year. The clock taunted her continually as she stared it down, counting down the minutes. The entire morning went like this, when finally, at 2:47 p.m, her mother called, "Oh, Tessa!!! The mailtruck came!!!" She jumped up and ran out the door, skipped accross her lawn, and opened the mailbox.

No schedule.

How many times must this happen??!?! she thought dismally. When Tessa got inside, she threw the mail down on the table sat on the couch. Maybe tomorrow would be the day, or maybe she would be disappointed once again. We'll just have to find out, and the girl with little patience will keep waiting... And waiting..... And waiting.......

The Noonday Sun

I lay on my back, draped across the backyard swing, my legs hanging loosely off the end. I could feel the air. Not just the heat, but the air itself. It trickled through my body and my skin seemed to soak it up. The sky bled sunbeams that fell like a soft waterfall over me.

While my skin breathed in the sun's rays, I contemplated what someone had recently said to me. It was my first real conversation with this school friend when she commented, "Wow, Tessa, you are really nice," as if discovering something new. I chuckled when she next said, "If you had spoken up more in English, everyone would have left feeling great. You should open up a club that teaches how to lift other people's self-esteem."

I never really thought about it before. I just love making people happy, making them laugh, or making them cry because they are so touched. I guess it's just a reflex, or perhaps a goal.

Someone once asked me how to be nice. I think the most important part of being nice is controlling your judgements. When you see someone, dig deeper than just the usual first impression. Find their most redeeming qualities, and remember them throughout your interactions with the person. Everyone has good things about them. Notice them, point them out. The more you practice this, the more those positive first impressions come.

The satisfaction of a laugh or smile is sweet, warm... just like the sun pouring down at noon.

Suspense

I'm still, even after a month and a half, getting used to being home often. I don't have school assignments anymore, but there's a shortage of things to do. At least Algebra kept me entertained...

Any connection to my friends is a treasure. I didn't realize how attached I am to my postcard until I couldn't find it. Right before we headed out the door to the movie theater for Family Home Evening, I had a sudden desire to know the location of my precious gift. Maybe I wanted it ready for me to see when I got home, maybe I wanted one last glance before I left, I don't know. I just wanted to know where it was. But after searching with no success, I climbed in the car with an unsatisfied heart.
That night I looked more for the card. Nothing. It didn't appear, and I went to bed feeling empty.
The next morning I found myself crawling on the ground. I was desperate, I needed to find that postcard. I threw pillows off of the couch and church magazines off of the table. I lay on the cold wood floor, not giving up just yet. And there it was. I thrust my hand under the couch to retrieve my prized possession, the top right corner plastered in Israeli stamps and the teenage-boy handwriting that coated the rest. "Tessa Hatchett" and my address written by him in blue ink. It was beautiful.

When I wasn't making sure my postcard wasn't lost, I was huddled up in a little pile on the couch reading. I burned through a book and finally decided to do something more interesting with myself.

No opportunities came for hours. I started daydreaming instead. I'd seen him at a concert, I'd gotten a postcard, I'd spoken to him online, but I was still wondering. What would happen when I saw him in person? Will I get my blotchy pink blush? Will I say something stupid? Will he give me a traditional high-five? Maybe he'll give me his sincere I-respect-you smile. Or maybe that smile with his eyebrows raised and a thumbs-up that just made you happy every time.

The suspense is killing me.

The Coolest 12 Hours of My Life

It was a beautiful Sunday evening. The sun was setting, and two girls, Tessa and Laura, were talking happily on the telephone.

After a long while of talking, Laura randomly pointed out, "___________ is online."
Tessa's grin grew then shrank when she realized she had not the ability to log onto her computer at 9:00 at night. "Wait..." she asked, "why is he on at 5:00 in the morning?" Seeing as the young boy was on vacation in Israel, he happened to be eight hours ahead of the two girls.
Laura typed in a chat box to the boy, "Tessa wants to know why you are up at 5:00 in the morning."
The response was fast, "Honestly, I'm asking myself that same thing."
Tessa giggled at the situation. She was talking to _____, who was in Isreal, through her best friend, through the phone, on chat, on Facebook.
Tessa, Laura, and ____ all talked together. They talked about being licked by large animals, stray cats, the fact that water isn't wet, and a lot of other random subjects that branched off.
After about 20 minutes the poor Laura had to leave to pick up her cousins from the airport and the three said their goodbyes.

Tessa lay in bed for 30 minutes, not even closing her eyes. Too much was going on in her silly lovesick brain. She thought to herself, I HAVE to tell Mom about this tomorrow, she stared up at the ceiling, Nah, I'll tell her right now. Tessa quietly picked her way up the stairs to where her mother sat on the couch talking to Tessa's grandmother. She pulled up a seat close to her mother and butted into the conversation, "MOM I have a story for you!!!" Her mother glanced at her eager daughter and sighed, "Go on."
Tessa told the story in the most dramatic way possible. She raised and lowered her voice and waved around her hands. When her tale was over, she went back downstairs to attempt to sleep.
She lay until midnight, when her eyelids finally closed and she drifted softly off into a good night's sleep.

The next day she arose in the morning. She was expecting a book in the mail that she had ordered online, so she wasn't too surprised when her mother called to her and said she had mail. "Oh look," her mom said casually, "something from Nazareth."
Tessa immediately perked up. "NAZARETH??!?!?!" She sped up the staircase, skipping stairs. She reached her fingers toward the postcard. She held it as if it was the most precious and delicate thing in the world. Her eyes went over the words several times and she ran her hand over the card. This is the coolest thing I've ever seen, she thought. And this has been the coolest 12 hours of my life.

A Day of Rest?!?

They teach you that Sunday is a day of rest. You know, sit back, relax... that kind of stuff. I say that is not the truth.
First, you get up at 6:00 in the morning to get ready for church. Then you try not to look stupid during sacrament when all of the boys in the ward are pacing around the room watching you. You have callings. I attend many a meetings on Sunday afternoons. Sunday is the day when we have family over for dinner. (Don't get me wrong, I love my family.) Cooking, cleaning up, it's kind of stressful.
Plus, on top of all of that, the phone is ringing every millisecond of the day when your mom is the Relief Society president.

So much fun. Am I lacking sincerity in my voice? Why, yes... how did you guess?

Halfway Over

Summer's halfway over! I've done some crazy things...

Yesterday started with a lot of fabric. My mom decided that I was going to sew a pillow for myself. Kayla came over to assist me in the process. After seam-ripping, sewing slowly, frustration, joking around, and a lot of other randomness, the pillow was finally done.

Soon later my friend Sami came over and we had a sleepover. That morning I slept in until 8:30. That's like a record. It was way intense.

Next my best friend Ansalee invited me to her house. I'm really not sure what brought up the idea, but we made SHOES out of DUCT TAPE. We laughed so hard our sides hurt and we were tearing up. Those shoes sure picked up a lot of hair off of our carpet...

After that lovely adventure I arrived back home at 6:00, when I was supposed to be a YW planning meeting at my leader's house. "I'm gonna' be late!!!!!" I ran outside to find my dad getting off of his motorcycle. "Get back on! I need to leave!" I threw myself on his motorcycle and we took off down the street. By the time I reached my destination, my hair was so tangly it was ridiculous. I combed my fingers frantically through my endless locks of hair as I knocked on the door.

The door opened and my Beehive leader smiled at me and ushered me in. As we planned our activity for Wednesday, I held her little baby, Xander. He had such soft skin and was so cute but the squirmiest thing alive. He moved around and spit out his binky several times. Finally I lowered him on my lap, supported his head with one arm, and rested my other arm on his front side, lightly holding his binky in his mouth. It wasn't long until he was asleep in my arms. When the small meeting was over, Sister Love looked at me with a surprised but pleased expression on her face, "You put him to sleep." Mom titled me the "Baby-Whisperer."

The next day I had a date with my sister. We saw a movie and went to Farr's Fresh for self-serve ice cream. It was really yummy and after we finished we went home to wait for Braden to get back from Scout Camp.

The Most Beautiful Thing in the World

Shortly after my embarrassing moment on Saturday, I was feeling crummier than ever. I wanted to hide from the universe, bury myself in a hole. I sat with my face in my hands, trying to imagine what Teric was thinking about me. In that moment, I hated myself worse than I ever had before. My self-esteem was plummeting to the ground when my parents noticed my odd behavior. Dad took me outside to talk.

"What's been bothering you?" Dad inquired as we sat down on the swing.

Just as I started to cry rain fell. It was silent except for the patter of rain and my stuttered breathing. The drops were larger and a breeze came in.

"I just want to be pretty," I sobbed.

My father's deep voice rumbled in reply, "And what difference does it make what you look like? The covers of magazines don't set the standards, and neither do Jr. High students. Some day you'll find a man to marry, and he'll think you're the prettiest thing alive," he put his arm around my damp shoulders. "There are so many people that love you very much. That's all that matters."

My tears collided with the raindrops on my cheeks. We watched the dark clouds move through the clouds as I cried. Soon the rain died down and the sun blazed through the leaves of our trees.

"And Tessa," Dad lifted my chin and I stared into his honest brown eyes, "Seeing you smile is the most beautiful thing in the world."

Summer Is...

-Sleeping in
-Walking barefoot on the hot sidewalk
-Running through sprinklers with your clothes on
-Going on vacation
-Tripping over the toe of your flip flop
-Trying to tan and sunburning instead
-Sweating like crazy
-Rolling down hills and getting grass in your hair
-Hiking for hours
-Killing spiders in your bedroom
-Getting mosquito bites
-Walking to the grocery store with your friends
-Daydreaming
-Getting new clothes
-Turning the fans on high
-Sleeping on top of your covers at night
-Waiting for your school scedule to come
-Having sleepovers with crazy girls
-Seeing movies late at night
-The clock moving slowly on boring days
-Seeing family members
-Buying junk food
-Having photoshoots everywhere you go
-Going swimming
-Staring at your yearbook
-Telling your mom random facts about your crush with her usual response of "Oh, that's nice." *walks off*

Well, there's my list of qualities of summer vacation. I hope you enjoyed it!

Voices

I never liked my speaking voice. There's just something about it that bugs me. I wonder, how do you listen to me at all?

Some people have great voices, though. Like big black men with deep, chocolaty voices, or small old women with soft and gentle tones.

There are some voices I miss hearing. I miss the violent laughter of my cousins when I would say something funny or bring up an inside joke. I miss the moments when I'd walk into my fifth grade classroom and my teacher would exclaim happily, "Hey Tess!" I miss my former bishop's comforting voice that always made you feel safe.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I miss his voice. Slightly slurred and relaxed, but full of emotion. Sarcastic bit sincere when he was giving a compliment or saying something nice. He was never afraid to express his opinion, and when he did everyone would listen because they knew he was about to say something hilarious. It was one of those voices that kept you smiling, no matter what the day.

Some voices are just impossible to forget.

A "Wilde" Family Reunion

So, this was a reunion for my dear grandmother and her siblings, and of course, their families. My dad's mom's maiden name is "Wilde." I know, we had a Wilde reunion.
But, it really wasn't too wild....

Well, we threw ourselves in the car and headed off to my Great-Aunt Melanie's house for a rodeo.
I have a history if being carsick when I was younger. I haven't for years, but we didn't want to take our chances. I took a motion sickness pill and poured some water in my mouth so I could swallow it. I put the pill in my mouth, thrust it to the back of my throat and gagged. That pill was the worst, most vial thing I have EVER tasted. The pill was coated in this TERRIBLE powder that dissolved quickly and spread throughout my mouth. Before gagging again, I spit it out quickly onto the ground. "I can't. No." **drinks water; spits** "AhHhHhhH! That was awful!" **drinks** "No, no, no." Mom tried to get me to take another. "We will NOT have you throwing up in this car!" I tried two more; failed. I gagged and spit disgustingly until I was ready to cry. Finally I chewed up some crackers, stuck the pill in the chewed-up mush, and swallowed the crushed crackers. It was nasty, but it got the job done.

It was a looooong car ride there and Janell was getting restless.

Finally we arrived at the ranch and started to play games and such. This place was full of real cowboys. Even the kids were decked in cowboy boots and chaps.

Mom was enjoying the scenery, I think. I took this picture secretly.

The wind was CRAZY! The plastic tablecloths were flapping around even though they were taped to the tables. My hair became such a mess that I put it up into a ponytail. Also due to the wind, dirt was flying everywhere, including my eyes.

And this was the next day, after they were getting better. Ouch.

We decided to roam around and participate in some activities. My mom, my brother, my aunt, and I all played horseshoes. Let me tell you, it's harder than it looks. Much harder. At one point Mom said, "Maybe Tessa would be better at this if she weren't so lady-like..."

After failing at horseshoes we tried out archery. The guy running the activity was really attractive and I was drooling over him but then I remembered we were related... weird. (Later Mom said that it is, in fact, legal to marry your second cousin. But still, too awkward.) He gave us a demonstration on how to hold the bow.

Check out his muscles.

Then Janell wanted to shoot me.

As you probably guessed, I failed at archery. My arm still hurts 52 hours later.

We left the archery station right after my attractive second-cousin left to watch goat wrestling. We did so, too. It was pretty entertaining.

That goat wrestler was good-looking, too.

We tried to get Dad to wrestle the goat, but he chickened out.

After a lunch and a lot of visiting with family, we headed off toward Heber Valley Camp. Our stake goes to Camp Shalome for girls camp which is waaaaay terrible in comparison to Heber. When we arrived I had a total spazz attack due to the amazingness of the camp.

"It's... so... beautiful...!" *tear*

I also found an interesting sign.

"TOILET PAPER "ONLY" IN TOILETS"

I guess a couple other things are permitted in their, too...

I messed around and took a lot more pictures.

We set up our bunks [pshh, at Shalome we sleep on the FLOOR!] and Janell was having a good time relaxing on her air mattress.

My station looked like this:

We cooked for the family [about 100-150 people] and it was finally time for dinner.

We saw lots of "potguts" scurring around under the tables, eating little peices of food and harrassing teenage girls who would jump up on their chairs and scream.

This T-shirt was awesome.

"OLD GUYS RULE"

tee hee.

Janell was not cooperating.

Finally I told her to give me a normal face.

Janell, "Why?"

Tessa, "Just give me the face you give the people who took your yearbook pictures."

Janell, "All I did was fake-smile and stare them down."

I guess that's "normal" enough.

I took some stalker pictures of attractive second cousins, but in one the old guy sitting next to my second cousin was yawning.

I swear it was an accident, Great-Uncle So-and-So.

But it's still hilarious.

Being July 3rd, it was my dear brother Braden's eleventh birthday. They got him a big cake and everything. On my slice I got a balloon. It had about two inches of frosting.

I didn't eat it all, don't worry.

After cleaning frantically for hours, we could finally go home. Everyone was inside making final preparations for our departure while I went out to the van. I have to take my pill, I thought, but I'm not sure if I can after that first experience... I took the pills, water, and crackers and went over behind the building. I chewed up a cracker and held out the mush on my tongue. Then I pressed the pill into the nastiness, covered it up, and swallowed. I was really grossed out that I had just touched my spit and drank some water to get the idea out of my head. Just as I finished drinking, and just to show my luck, an attractive second cousin walked right past me to get to the ice machine.

I was so embarrassed. If he just saw that, I might just have to jump off the mountain. At least in two years he won't remember me. Though, all he did was smile charmingly and say "Hey." I stared back and mumbled "Hi..." fathoming the fact that he might not have seen.

There he is.

I was telling Janell of my embarrassing moment when she commented, "At least you didn't tell him he smelled like corn chips. I did that once." I think I died from laughter.

Happy 4th of July!