Journeys and Changes

Last week I dug out my elementary school scrapbook, flipping through the pages and staring at the pictures. Now I've been thinking a lot on how much things have changed.  It's crazy how much your life changes in just a short amount of time.

This is fourth grade. Back then I didn't judge myself on how I looked. I thought I was special because I drew cartoons, wrote stories, and sang in the shower. I defended my neighbor who was teased, watching him learn that others' thoughts weren't important to him. My friends and I all had nicknames and games we liked to play together. I knew who I was.

Sometimes nowadays I'm not completely sure. I feel sort of lost, like I'm not the little girl I used to be and I know it. I have many very different groups of friends and I wander around from one group to another. I feel like there isn't one place where I truely belong.

I've grown and changed a lot in four years, only to realize that isn't what matters most. Not how you look on the outside, but what is on the inside. Who you are, what you love.

It's days like today I miss that little freckle-faced fourth grader. The one that "woke up every morning smiling" and my mom says, and was tucked in my her daddy at night. The one that couldn't go to sleep without her stuffed dog, or crawled into her big sister's bed when she had a bad dream.

I want to find myself and my place in the world again. I'm grateful for opportunities like this to start over, even when life takes sudden turns that seems to lead you down an unknown path.

I'm glad I have my family surrounding me and making me smile on those crummier days. I'm grateful for my sisters-- so very different, but both always loving and always there for me.

There are those few people that have been there through every phase of my life, and there's nothing I love more than them. I've also learned that the end of one journey is the start of another. Wish me luck.