Saturday, April 30, 2011


As long as I can remember I've picked my nails. It's not biting them, but sometimes it can be worse. One minute I'm sitting watching a movie, getting a lecture, or in an uncomfortable situation and the next minute all of my nails are down to chiseled stubs.

But there was once a time I had long nails.
I don't know who was more in love with them, me or my mom. Mom had been trying to get me to quit for years. But finally one summer I discovered nail polish. When my nails were painted I didn't want to chip the polish. So my nails grew and grew until they were longer than they had been my entire life.

But one piteous and fateful day I was walking home from school and my nail broke on a fence. Not wanting an irritating hangnail, I tore it off. After that it was like a drug addict given drugs after going without. My nails were gone. My beautiful, long, perfect nails.

And it started again. Tap, tap, tap. There my thumbs went, tearing off my precious tips. I'd try to grow them out but it only took a social trajedy or stressful school assignment until I had to start all over.

Recently it's gotten bad. Really bad. Everything sets me off. Every day I say I'll try and every day I come home to realize my nail polish is ruined and loose pieces of skin sting around the areas of my nails.
I'm wrapping my thumbs. I want my long nails back.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Life is full of unexpected events. We usually plan on the good things, take them for granted, and when the bad things come as a surprise, we are blown away.

I was at a friend's house on a school day, expected to be home at 6:00 for dinner. It turns out my friend's mom couldn't give me a ride so I called home and waited for our white mini van to arrive on the curb. The doorbell rang and my friend and I stumbled over to the door to see my dad, helmet in hand. We were going on the motorcycle.

Dad had brought my sweatshirt, hairbands to put my hair back, and my helmet. He was compeltely prepared. I geared up, mounted the large bike, and rested my hands on Dad's shoulders. The air was refreshing on my face, the sun blazing with a cold continuous rush of wind pushing the heat aside and grazing my skin as we soared over the road.

Trees were budding, dandilions congregated in lawns, and the signs of spring were finally beginning to show. There were walkers, people checking the mail, and people in cars all around us. Pedestrians often stopped to wave as we whooshed by, bringing a smile to my face.

I almost didn't want to be home. My heart hoped Dad would take a detour where we'd admire more of the small city. Our city. A city full of people, churches, sports teams, homes, and the newly brightened gardens. It was a sweet moment when life seemed beautiful. I had no bad thing to think about for those minutes of driving home. I just sang my favorite song quietly to myself and brimmed with the glee of the moment.

After a few short minutes, we pulled into the garage. I guess not all life's surprises are bad. :)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Part of the Job

"Mom. ...Mom? Mom?! Mom! MOM!"
You turn the corner, and there she is, on the phone again.

Every day it's the same.
"Hey mom, I need new pants."
(Later means "there is the slightest possibility in the far future")

"Hey mom, can you take me to the library?"
"I need to do a food order."
(Let me tell you, there are a lot of financially challenged people in my ward. I have no idea who they are, I just know there's bajillions of them cause Mom is ALWAYS doing a food order or three.)

"Hey mom, didn't you say we'd go swimsuit shopping today?"
"Maybe this weekend."
(Weekend comes... doesn't happen.)

"Hey mom, let's go spend some quality mother-daughter time together!" . . . . . . .
. . . . . "Nah, I'm off to work."

The older I get the less time I have with my mom. She's always working. Laundry, bills, grocery shopping, cooking, her four different book keeping jobs, being Relief Society President, coaching Kayla for motherhood, couching Janell for dieting, running errends, making important phone calls, doing interviews. When you think about it, her life is just one huge hideous job. And the older I get, the less I feel like I'm part of her job. The more I feel kind of alone.
I miss you mom. And I love you.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Copy Cats and Colors

Laying on the couch staring off in the space can spark random curiosities. As I stare around the quiet room, my eyes roll over each individual color. Do we all see color the same? If we all saw colors differently, we would still know red as red because that's what everyone told us that's what it is.

People do this everywhere. If someone does something, that automatically makes it correct or enjoyable. Have you ever noticed all of your younger brother's lame comebacks all originated from you? Did you decide butterflies were beautiful on your own, or did you grow up acknowledging them that way? Have you ever seen someone wearing the most stupid looking thing just because the world told them it looked good?

Just something to think about.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Spring Break

This week has gone by WAY too fast. Once Mom and Dad left for a wedding in Georgia, Janell, Braden and I set off to have all the fun we could.

Highlight #1: Bunny-sitting
My friend is on vacation in Moab and had us watch her bunny. Countless lonely hours at home have been spent stroking and feeding the fluffy rabbit, and I think I'm finally starting to grow on him. Now he nuzzles my hand when I open the cage.
Highlight #2: My lovely sunburn.
I sat inside, like usual, lazily reading a book on the couch. I glanced outside to see my neighbors playing with a ball in the street. I longed to be with them. Ever since Jr. High, I haven't associated much with my former best friends. I threw on my flip flops and head outside. They soon welcomed me, and we all head off to the park to play Four-Square. The longer we played, the more kids showed up. By the end, there were ten of us, all taking turns bouncing the ball. No matter how hard I tried to just be a kid with them, I still felt out of place. When I finally came home, I realized I was red as a cherry, and I hurt all over.
The next day I got out of the shower to discover my entire face was peeling. I attempted to scrub the skin off, but that just left soars all over my face. That's what I get for trying to relive the past.

Highlight #3: A Mall and Movie Adventure

One morning Janell announced a plan. A plan to take us to the movies. We left before 9:00 in the morning to go to the mall for a bit before the first movie showing of the day. We entered the mall to discover no one there to greet us but a giant plastic dinosaur and an empty treehouse.
 We strolled around, realizing there wasn't a single store in the entire building that wasn't closed. The only people there were a few old couples walking around for excersize. We gave up on the idea and crossed the large parking lot over to the theater. After the movie we walked over to Farr's Fresh Ice Cream for a treat.

Where I concocted this delicious creation.
Janell and Braden finished their ice cream fast, and I ended up taking mine with me when we left.

Highlight #4: The Social Gathering
A bunch of my school buddies had been scheming a party we referred to as "The Social Gathering" cause typical teenagers partying is WAY different than what we did.
We all agreed to meet at Ally's house. It was hilariously awkward when Ally was the last one to show up to her own house.

We walked around...

We drank fluffy lemonade...

...And we even walked around with our fluffy lemonade.

We ate pizza, the boys played video games, and Ally's little brothers harassed us for hours. By the end of the day we were all pooped.
But when we all got home we agreed on one thing... "Let's do it again!"

Highlight #5: Fondue with the Fam
With Mom and Dad gone, Janell planned the menus this week. Thursday was a fondue party, and we were all excited. We invited Kayla and Andrea to join the fun.
I was Janell's faithful co-chef, and we cooked up homemade pretzel bites to dip in the best homemade cheese sauce in the world.
I love my siblings!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
After a week of free time and festivities, I'm really bummed I have to go back to school on Monday.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Talking with Mom

Lady Antebellum blasts through our white minivan. I'm the DJ when mom and I drive around together, and there's a limited selection of songs she likes on my iPod. We drive in the car, singing loudly between my irrelevant comments.
I like spending time with my mom. We have the randomest conversations and every day after school I come home with my line of "I have a story!"
She says, "Of course you do," with a smile and an eye roll. I then proceed in telling her, in full detail, about every event throughout every class that day.

I'm going to miss my mom while she's in Georgia for this next week. Everyone else in my family pretty much ignores me.