My eyes welled up with moisture to the point I began to sob. It was Friday afternoon, and someone that day had told me I was lazy, selfish, and couldn't do anything right. Insults hurt the most when you believe them. I lay there on the floor of my bedroom, wondering why I could never do anything right. I glanced over to my sketchbooks propped up against the wall. I reached for my newest one, opened the cover, and tore out any and every page that even mentioned a stupid boy I once knew. I bawled and crinkled pages while mumbling to myself how idiotic I had been and was being. I wrote on the next blank page in big letters, "I hate that no matter where I am I'm not good enough" and stuffed my sketchbook back up against the wall.
After my breakdown Braden and I did our chores while Mom was at work.
That evening Ally rescued me from my house but I was still so upset I lay on the floor of her bedroom with my arm covering my eyes while Ally cleaned her room. Once I had the ability to contain myself we walked to Macey's to buy our traditional stash of junk food.
Later in the evening we went to mutual to a live nativity. At the end as we were walking out there was a man in a costume on a horse. I went over to pet the horse. I scratched it's forehead and rubbed it's chin. Soon it had nuzzled it's face against my stomach as I gave him affectionate massages. I thought back to my sister's gorgeous horse, Fame, who died a short time ago. I realized my group was leaving and said goodbye to the horse to catch up.
Saturday was a crazy day. I left the sleepover at my friend's house and soon after found out this stupid boy had told her that I was telling him secrets about her or something, which I really did not understand. She sent me a message asking if she could trust me or not. After talking it over, we figured it out and my friend and I were back to normal.
Later my mom and I went shopping for clothes for her birthday present to me. I got a pair of jeans, a waist belt, and some earrings. While we were at Target I bought Taylor Swift's new album "Speak Now" with the money from my grandma. I. Love. It.
My actual birthday on Sunday was pretty boring. It was fast Sunday, so I couldn't go anywhere or eat anything. We ate dinner that night, though, and it was so delicious, I probably ate like thirds along with seconds.
It's Thursday, and since Sunday I've had four nosebleeds. This wintery dry air thing is getting ridiculous.
4 weeks ago