My nerd herd was supposed to go see the Summerfest parade. Half the nerd herd didn't show up, but Ally and Sam and some of Ally's Maeser friends had been hanging out together all day and they came. Those four do a lot together. They're a parade all their own. But I'm never invited because they know I don't like pranking people, which is pretty much all of what they do. Even though most of the time I wouldn't go with them, I guess it would just be nice to be invited now and then.
We watched the parade on the sidewalk in the freezing cold wind. We scrambled for candy on the road and huddled in a Snuggie while we waited for more. It lasted about an hour. I was proud that Timpanogos High had the longest procession.
Afterward we decided to just go home instead of going to the park. We ate a late-night snack at Ally's and everyone said they wanted to go doorbell ditching. I said I wanted to go home. I walked away by myself.
The only nerd herd member that was there tried to follow me. I guess he just wanted to talk. I wanted to be alone. He persisted.
We shared a lot of deep thoughts and feelings. I said a few things I hoped he would really put some thought into. Others I was mostly talking to myself. I felt exposed, like he could see inside me but at the same time he didn't understand. I had a hard time expressing what I had to say.
I told him he needed to go back with the others. He asked for a hug, but I wouldn't give him one. I started my walk home, not even knowing if I would ever see him again. It felt colder now that I was alone, but I also felt more relaxed, no longer feeling like someone was trying to read the fine print written on my eyes. Only once did I look back to see if I could see him walking away. All I saw was empty sidewalk and the lit-up street lamps. He was gone.
4 weeks ago