Monday, May 10, 2010

when your world revolves around boys.

Maturity is a very confusing time of your life. One minute you are an adorable little kid, and the next your rubbing your face with funny-smelling medicine and going underwear shopping.
Along with all of the other lovely symptoms of growing up, there's boys. Sometimes I wish they still had cooties. These feelings of deeper affection are all of the sudden set in front of you like a slap in the face. Crushes were a funny idea before, but now.... I'm not even completely sure what it is.

I always wanted to be beautiful. Whenever I see my gorgeous sister with her "Disney Princess eyes," spidery eyelashes, and tiny little waist I burn with jealousy. I constantly put myself down, knowing I could never change the ugly person I would always be. I never enjoyed looking in the mirror or standing on the scale.

Then one day I got an email from a guy in my English class. I'd sat next to him but never had really talked to him before. I still don't know what gave him the urge to say hello to me that day, but I'm grateful he did. Our conversations started out mostly about homework, and branched off the more we knew about each other. He was funny, charming, and sweet to me. I started thinking of him as my friend.
One lonely day in March I was feeling rather down. I was upset and felt I had no friends. That day I went home and when I checked my messages, sure enough, there was his. He told me not to feel bad and said that I was "funny and pretty," and that he respected me as a friend. A different day I was feeling frustrated and concerned that I had angered my neighbor. I told him I thought my friend's mom was upset with me, and he said "i don't know what is wrong with her it would be really hard not to like you" This boy has been able to cheer me up even in the worst of days. I always have something to look forward to, and that is seeing him in English.
Another time when a different boy was picking on me, my crush totally chewed him out and said he wouldn't have him being a jerk to me because I was his friend.

Eventually I straight-out told my crush I liked him. He tried to say hi to me more often because he knows I love it. He's listened to me rant on about the days' dramas. He stopped by my locker to tell me he appreciates me and give me a high-five. I tried every day I saw him to say hi, but came across a dilemma. "The only problem is that when I want to talk to you I get my ugly, blotchy pink blush," I told him after school one day in a message. I could imagine an encouraging smile when he said back, "there's nothing wrong with you or your blush. i just want to be friends with you, i just need to find time to say hi" He had been saying hi. He'd been giving me more attention than I'd ever deserved in my life.
A couple days later he explained, "anytime you want you can come sit by me at lunch" (and I have!)

This amazing guy has changed my whole seventh grade year, and even my life. I've changed as a person because of him, and I hope we stay friends for a long time.


  1. Again, I think you are an amazing writer!! I don't think I was anywhere near as eloquent as you are when I was in 7th grade. I do have to say that you are absolutely beautiful. You have a sweet spirit that shines through your beautiful eyes. And you have gorgeous thick hair and a cute sense of style. There is more to being beautiful than a small waist. I always struggled with the scale too... and after I had my triplets I kind of just gave up the fight. (not really, I tend to exercise from time to time.) Your teenage years are hard on the self esteem, but if you can stay true to who you are, you'll be an amazing, confident, beautiful woman who will have her choice of any man. Trust me. I always have admired you.

  2. It's good to be noticed. Especially by a sweet boy. ;) Enjoy every minute of it!

  3. I can totally relate to you Tessa. I had a sister 3 years older than me that I thought was so much more beautiful than me. On top of that, she was more popular and boys were around her all the time. I compared myself to her all the time, and like you, I began to feel bad about who I was because I thought she was better. NOw that I am older, I now realize that she wasn't better. I have had a bunch of people tell me that I am just as, if not more pretty than my sister. I also have discovered the different talents that I have seperate from hers. Try not to compare you to your sister. You are two different people and Heavenly Father made you the way you are for a reason. I am still learning not to compare myself to other people- the sooner you learn to do that the happier you will be. Also, when I met my husband I realized he was attracted to me and wanted to be with ONLY ME! What a thrilling experience. You are very special and there will be a boy or boys that single you out for who you are and not for who you aren't :).

    Enough of that though, this post was really well written. I'm glad you have found such a good friend in him. He seems really great. Hold on to him as a friend for as long as you can. You two can bless each others lives.


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