Wednesday, September 14, 2011

10:00 Phone Call

10:00. I lay in bed, just barely dozing off, when my phone rang. "Hi.." I said quietly, wondering what was up.
"Tessa," my friend started, "I'm mad at you." After asking why she told me the story. (I wrote a blog post about Labor Day, and Ally's mom saw it and Sam isn't allowed at Ally's house anymore.)
"I decided you've been a jerk. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's true," Sam said matter-of-factly. Every sentence lasted an eternity. All I heard was her voice, the voice I've heard since Kindergarten, telling me what a horrible person I am. I felt like I should say something, but at first no words came out. The room felt cold and I began to shiver.

"Uhh... I don't know what to say," I stammered, "I don't feel good, I'm going to bed." I hung up quickly and lay my head on my pillow. I waited for the tears, but none came. I just layed there. Emotionless. Ally texted telling me the story except she wasn't mad at me, just shocked and sad, as I was. While I talked to her I began to bawl. Sobs shook my body. The room in the background was silent, but there was screaming in my ears from the phone call before, "You've been a real jerk." 
I let it flow out to Ally, explaining how I've felt all along and how heartbroken I felt now.

After a while of talking we both went to bed, but it was a while before I could sleep. Today I read this post on Sam's blog.
"I hate it when people say things... All I can feel right now it hatred... I know I shouldn't, but why do some people have to be so fricken stupid? I want to scream out, yell at them, tell them that they are stupid and that I never want to see them again. I want them to understand my anger. I want to lash out and be the demon I know I can be. I want them to realize how much they complicate things. I want them to go away and never make trouble again. ...The face that once was everything to me, and now it is close to nothing."

I knew it was about me. There was the ringing in my ears again. Why do you have to be so fricken stupid? I never want to see you again. You mean nothing to me anymore.
I wanted to plug my ears, close my eyes, and make it go away.

I haven't felt so lost and heartbroken and afraid since you-know-who. I don't understand, and I don't think I ever will.


  1. any girl that acts like this is for sure not worth your time. i know it really sucks when your best friend(s) lash out at you like that, but if they were your best friend(s), they wouldn't be so mean. take a step back and look at where you really stand with those around. and there will always be someone there to listen to you, whether you think of them first or not.
    you are loved, tessa. don't ever forget that.


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