SuMmEr FeSt ! ! !

Ally and I woke up from our sleepover with an idea. We were SO going to Summer Fest!
We got dressed, did our makeup and hair, and left in the car with Ally's mom and three brothers. The festivities didn't start until 2:00, so we stopped at a shaved ice shack to get a treat. Blue Raspberry is the best flavor in the world, but it sure makes you blue. Literally. I wiped and wiped my lips but the blue would not come off without a fight. We decided to stop at Ally's house before going to the carnival. I ran into her bathroom and rubbed more at my lips and teeth with water. I absolutely COULD NOT go into public with blue lips. Finally, after a ridiculous amount of scrubbing, I removed all artificial color from my mouth.

We arrived at the Orem City Park. We were greeted rather loudly by this weirdo clown who was chilling in a booth waiting for someone to dunk him in the water. No one wanted to get near him because he was so disturbing and obnoxious. He made fun of anyone who walked by and after every 'joke' he would break into a fit of terrible laughter. He has THE CREEPIEST laugh EVER. "Haw ha hah haw hak!!" Eww. **shudder**

We stood in line to get our tickets. When we got to the front the lady who did the tickets was kind of scary looking. She was most likely a smoker, cuz' she was really... sad looking. We each got ten tickets and headed off for the rides. The first ride we went on was the "Star Trooper." On this ride you sit on a super fat swing and it rotates around the center so fast that you stick beyond horizontally out of the middle. That thing was so fast... every muscle in my body tightened to the point I couldn't move AT ALL. Ally and I screamed enthusiastically as it spun around. Once the ride spun forward a bajillion times it spun backwards. It messed up our hair quite a bit. Well... we pretty much looked like hobos.

The next ride we went on was called the "Gravitron." In this ride you stepped inside a large room shaped like a diamond. You leaned back against the walls and the room spun. It spun so crazily that it lifted you off the ground and pressed you to the padded walls of the room. It felt like you were being squished against the walls by heavy trucks or something. Although very uncomfortable, it felt like you were on laughing gas. With my arms pinned firmly to my sides, Ally and I laughed our hearts out. I'm still not even sure what was funny. The ride finally ended and everyone fell to the ground, shaking from dizziness. We walked out of the room and immediately looked at each other, "LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!" The next minute we were back in the large room full of crazy laughing people.

After using all of our tickets on spinny rides, we stumbled accross the feild to the bathroom for a rest stop. **GRUMBLE... flash of bright light** Rainstorm. You got that right. June 11... RAIN! What is this!?!?!?

Relax

It's HOT, I thought Tuesday afternoon as I lay sprawled pathetically over the family room couch, I think I'll go get a drink. I shuffled slowly up the stairs and heard voices from outside. I quieted my footsteps, Who's out there? The voices were talking about someone in my family... the voices were talking about me. And it wasn't "Tessa is amazing," either. The back door opened and the owner of the voice stepped halfway in the house. I casually walked over to the fridge, sipped some water, and left the room quickly.
Why would they say that? I sat down on the living room rocking chair, staring out the window onto the street of our calm cul-de-sac. Everyone thinks she's so much better than me, even she does, I thought, ...but she is. I felt broken, alone. I wanted to get out. I opened the front door with it's eerie creak and threw myself down on the grass. I'm not just inferior to her, I'm myself. I'm me. I'm Tessa. I tried to convince myself that my thoughts were true, but doubt continuously crossed over my mind.
I needed to escape.
I left the yard. I felt like running. I wanted to scream.
But I walked off calmly.
I walked around Timpanogas High School. The quiet, winding roads around the back are a perfect place for thinking.
I soaked in what had happened and let it all settle deep inside me. My eyebrows drew together in a concerned expression. Calm down, Tessa. I let the muscles of my face lay free. The returned to their original positions seconds later. Relax. The word echoed in my mind. Over and over. Relax, relax, relax. Everything would be fine. I loosened my brow once again. Relax.
I sat down on the bleachers. My eyes watered, but I wouldn't let the tears fall.
I stayed at the school for a long time. I didn't want my family to be the victims of my frustration. When I thought I could handle returning home, I started my slow trudge back. All I ever wanted was to be beautiful, to be loved by those around me. I became conscious of my face again. This time I ignored it.

First Week of Summer

Summer is here! Bring on the heat!!!

The first two days of summer was frustrating and ugly. I wasn't looking forward to being separated from my school friends for three hot, boring months. I mostly lounged around the house, feeling sorry for myself. Pathetic, I know.

Wednesday I hung out with my friends and went to mutual. I got home and went to bed at nine-ish so I could get up the next morning.

My brother came in at 5:55 a.m. "TESSA!!! Wake up!!!!!!!!"
"Bahh! Go away!!! I still have five minutes to sleep!"
"GET UP!!!!!!!!!"
Gee, no appreciation. Some people.
Anyway I arose from my bed and started to dress and clean up. I put on my make up, flat-ironed my hair and threw on my butterfly skirt and a bright pink shirt. When I walked upstairs, my mom had to remind me that we were going to a funeral..... I changed into black.
We piled into the car with a portable DVD player, iPods, books, sketchpads, and other sources of entertainment for our 2.5 hour drive to Orangeville, Utah.
Well, we drove and drove and drove and drove and drove until we finally arrived at the chapel for the viewing. We entered the Relief Society room and strolled over to the coffin.
He didn't look like himself.
Though, I guess he wasn't even technically there, he was reuniting with my grandpa and other people up in a much happier place than here.
But the tears still came.
My mom and I sat down and cried together... Thankfully she brought a boatload of tissues in her little purse. (How in the world does that thing hold so much stuff?!?)
We attended the funeral and the lunch and were soon back in the car on our way home.

--a few hours later--

That night I had a sleepover at my friend Ally's house. Her parents have a jet-bathtub and we decided to put on our swimsuits and soak. For some reason we thought it was a good idea to put BUBBLE BATH in it. I remind you, this bathtub has JETS. We cranked up the jets and relaxed as the bubbles got higher and higher. Pretty soon the bubbles were overflowing out of the tub and onto the floor. We were completely buried in bubbles from our messy hair down to our newly painted toenails.We laughed so hard we started crying and our stomachs hurt really badly. Finally we turned off the jets and tried to smash the bubbles a bit. Every time we whacked them they hopped out of the tub and all over the sink/mirror/toilet/floor. After a while of wetness, laughing, and sweet pea-scented bubble bath, we drained the tub and dried off.

What a night.

The next day I woke up, ate breakfast, and left her house. There was a Summer Jazz Camp concert at 11:30 that day. Guess who was in it? Yeah, you probably guessed him.

I approached my mom, wearing my best puppy eyes and said, "MOM you need to drive me to Canyon View so I can see Madi's concert!!!" (Madi being one of my ward friends who also happened to be in the concert.) The next minute we were in the car. Mom looked over at me. "You're going for ____."

I smiled sweetly. "Madi's in it, too.....!"
"I can see right through you," Mom replied, "That street sign behind you..." I turned to look at it. "I can see it," she finished. We laughed loudly together and she teased me the rest of the way to the school.
I entered the auditorium. There he was, looking perfect behind his drum set at the back of the stage. I've missed you, I thought. I sat down right in the middle of the auditorium. My friend Sami Herrera caught sight of me and mouthed, "What are you doing here?" I jerked my head in his direction and she looked at him and back at me and mouthed again from the stage, "For him?" I nodded and smiled innocently. She giggled silently and I chuckled to myself. I looked back over at him and noticed that some other friends were sitting in the first row right in front of him. When they assumed their positions, it just so happened someone's head was blocking my view of him!  Grrrrr, I thought to myself.
The music started and I could feel the beat inside me, absorbed in the sound of the drums. Drum players rock. 
Once the concert ended I left the auditorium and shuffled into the hall to wait for him or Madi to come out of the band room. I waited and waited. I'm going to talk to him,  I thought, I have to. I leaned against the cold lockers, already missing school. I stared down the band hall. There was a whoosh behind me and he walked past me and down the hallway. I missed it!!! I yelled in my brain. Ugh. I wanted to whack myself.
Just when I was about to start walking home, Madi emerged from the hall. She stared at me for several long seconds and said, "I'm not surprised." before letting out a hearty laugh. She knows who I like and is quite amused by my "obsessiveness"
"Surprise..." I half-mumbled.
Madi's mom said to me, "Do you have any friends you want to congratulate before we give you a ride home?"
An evil grin crept up Madi's face, "Yes! C'mon Tessa let's go find _____." I dug my heels into the ground but Madi took my arm and dragged me into the band room. We searched every corner of the room with no sight of him. I was disappointed but relieved all at once.

We spent time at her house and I sketched out my painting of a giraffe as Madi drew her raccoons. We painted and drew for hours until I had to return home.

Today, Saturday, is my half birthday. Mom and Dad went down to a meeting on southern Utah. My sister and little brother took off to play Pokemon in Salt Lake City and left me a mini bottle of grape juice. I had a cleaning-the-bathroom party and drank my half birthday grape juice alone in my quiet house.

One week down, eleven more to go.

High-Pitched Music?

My brain knows it's summer vacation, but the rest of me doesn't want to believe it. No more teenage drama, no more lockers, no more teachers, no more... anything. Life is so much more boring after experiencing Jr. High.
It's only been two days, but so far I'm not liking summer. I miss certain people so much knowing that I won't see them until eighth grade. And you don't have things to do.
"Mom, I'm booooooooored!!!"
"You could weed the garden or mow the lawn."
"Oh wait, just kidding, I wasn't bored in the first place."
Maybe I should say you don't have fun things to do. Especially if you are like me and never go on vacation during the summer. I know, lamesauce.

I keep trying to imagine myself as an adult who works all year long. Right now I'm not appreciating summer, but I bet when I'm an oldie who never gets a break I'll want it back. Just like elementary school. I hated it, but now I want it back. Humans are so stupid, we just always want what we can't have. Maybe we should learn to appreciate what we have in the moment, it makes everything a lot happier for us and the people we interact with.

Though, what started this subject of rant were the noises heard down the street... The high-pitched music and all of the neighborhood kids freaking out. The icecream man.
Uh huh, it's definately summer. The only question is what to do with it...

Random Pictures

I tend to do a lot of blog posts without pictures. I love writing, but I also love taking pictures, so I guess to even it out, here are some adventures with my camera...

The backyard is a great place for photoshoots.
I have many pictures such as these:

.

But sometimes we just get bored...

My dad's scriptures look like a face.

Shadow posing! (I'm on the right.)

And introducing...

MY CAMERA!

Jana is Back!

As some of you might have heard, my iPod, by the name of Jana, was having some technical difficulties. Some of which were "The White Screen of DEATH" so called by the Apple workers. We decided to send Jana in to the Apple Store to be resurrected.

One or two long weeks went by as Jana chilled in New York. One night I REALLY wanted to listen to music and my sister bestowed upon me a CD player. I hadn't touched one of these for two to three years. I inserted a CD, plugged in my headphones, and started cooking dinner. I'd forgotten how GINORMOUS CD players were. The buttons were in weird places and I couldn't fit it in my pocket. I carefully laid the huge music player down on the counter as I stirred my goop. Whenever it was time to make some different goop to stir into the original, I had to gather more ingredients. I started walking away from the counter when my earphones were suddenly yank out of my ears and onto the floor. I looked over and sure enough, the CD player was still on the counter. That thing is so heavy! I struggled with it for about ten minutes before surrendering. I really, really want my iPod, I thought dismally.

After morning after morning of "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" I was pretty sure I was going crazy. Then one day after school my mom said "Your iPod is arriving at FedEx today between 5:30 and 6:00. We can go get it then or wait for it to be delivered to our house tomorrow." "TODAY!!! Let's go get it right now!!!!!" I threw on my shoes and was out the door before you could say "Jana." I was hopping excitedly in my seat the whole drive. We finally pulled in to the beautiful parking lot... I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating. We had a card that had our package number and the name of the driver on it. Our driver's name was Chris Stone. Several people flooded in the small office. The postal workers would ask them who their driver was and each one would reply, "Chris Stone," and then the postal workers would roll their eyes and reply, "Ohh... Chris." Apparently Chris was frequently late. We waited in the cramped room until well after 6:00. It was silent besides the Mexican lady talking gibberish into her cell phone, and the sound of the doors opening and closing. The doors obviously had a problem because although no one was in the doorway, they kept opening halfway and back closed again. It was blowing in quite a breeze and making a really obnoxious noise. We heard a truck. Everyone stopped to look outside. It was CHRIS STONE! Packages flowed in and box after box I would wonder if Jana was in it. Then I heard my name. "Tessa Hatchett," droned a very bored-looking worker. I marched proudly over to the counter. She handed me one of those puffy orange envelopes and I clutched it in between my two hands, soaking in the moment. I wanted to remember everything about that office. Even all of the creepy old people who worked behind the counter. We got back in the car. My hands were on fire. I slowly unsealed the flap and slipped my hand inside the envelope. I pulled out a small white box... Finally. I unwrapped my precious iPod one layer at a time, the intensity growing. Finally, I folded out the bubble wrap and... Aaaah !The heavenly choirs in my head were singing. Jana was shiny, Jana was beautiful, Jana didn't have that little dent by the lock button-- Jana was a different Jana. The letter from Apple explained that my iPod was permanently dead and that they sent in a replacement for me. :))) What a deal! Why buy a new iPod for $150 dollars when you can replace it for $90?! This was turning out to be a good day.

Jana is doing very well now and once again sings to me at 6:00 in the morning. She keeps me company when I do the dishes and when I walk home from school. She helps me clean my bathroom and comforts me when I am sad. Whoever invented the iPod is my HERO!

when your world revolves around boys.

Maturity is a very confusing time of your life. One minute you are an adorable little kid, and the next your rubbing your face with funny-smelling medicine and going underwear shopping.
Along with all of the other lovely symptoms of growing up, there's boys. Sometimes I wish they still had cooties. These feelings of deeper affection are all of the sudden set in front of you like a slap in the face. Crushes were a funny idea before, but now.... I'm not even completely sure what it is.

I always wanted to be beautiful. Whenever I see my gorgeous sister with her "Disney Princess eyes," spidery eyelashes, and tiny little waist I burn with jealousy. I constantly put myself down, knowing I could never change the ugly person I would always be. I never enjoyed looking in the mirror or standing on the scale.

Then one day I got an email from a guy in my English class. I'd sat next to him but never had really talked to him before. I still don't know what gave him the urge to say hello to me that day, but I'm grateful he did. Our conversations started out mostly about homework, and branched off the more we knew about each other. He was funny, charming, and sweet to me. I started thinking of him as my friend.
One lonely day in March I was feeling rather down. I was upset and felt I had no friends. That day I went home and when I checked my messages, sure enough, there was his. He told me not to feel bad and said that I was "funny and pretty," and that he respected me as a friend. A different day I was feeling frustrated and concerned that I had angered my neighbor. I told him I thought my friend's mom was upset with me, and he said "i don't know what is wrong with her it would be really hard not to like you" This boy has been able to cheer me up even in the worst of days. I always have something to look forward to, and that is seeing him in English.
Another time when a different boy was picking on me, my crush totally chewed him out and said he wouldn't have him being a jerk to me because I was his friend.

Eventually I straight-out told my crush I liked him. He tried to say hi to me more often because he knows I love it. He's listened to me rant on about the days' dramas. He stopped by my locker to tell me he appreciates me and give me a high-five. I tried every day I saw him to say hi, but came across a dilemma. "The only problem is that when I want to talk to you I get my ugly, blotchy pink blush," I told him after school one day in a message. I could imagine an encouraging smile when he said back, "there's nothing wrong with you or your blush. i just want to be friends with you, i just need to find time to say hi" He had been saying hi. He'd been giving me more attention than I'd ever deserved in my life.
A couple days later he explained, "anytime you want you can come sit by me at lunch" (and I have!)

This amazing guy has changed my whole seventh grade year, and even my life. I've changed as a person because of him, and I hope we stay friends for a long time.

Happy Mothers Day!

So many posts, so little time. (for frequent followers of my blog, you can go back to the previous post, "Writers Block" for updates on recent events)

It seems today is Mothers Day. This morning I woke up to the sound of my mother knocking at my door and mentioning in a calm tone, "20 minutes until church starts." 20 MINUTES?!?! I quickly got up and urgently started to throw my Sunday clothes on, grumbling about how my mom should've woken me up earlier. Later I realized that she didn't have to have woken me up at all, and I wouldn't have made it to the church building at 8:30 when the meeting started and would have had to walk to the church and down the aisle to our front-row seats in front of the whole ward. Thank you mother. I'm such an idiot.

My mom became a mother in June of 1987, when my older brother and sister, Steven and Janell, came into her life. She is one of obvious skill considering she has never only had one child. Two years later in June of 1989 came my lovely sister, Kayla. Now my mother had three children under the age of three to watch, feed, and clothe. She nurtured and took care of these children until seven years later, one gorgeous day in December of 1996 when I entered my amazing family. The last of the herd was my not-so-much-baby brother, Braden, born in July of 1999.
My mom has been with us crazies for almost 23 years. I'm so happy to have her with us every day of the year, helping and guiding us along the way. I have an amazing mother. She always listens and is supportive in everything that her children do. She teases me, makes me laugh, and teaches me new skills every day.

I love you, Mom!!!

Sitting With My Favorite Boy

I left Spanish. My heart was racing. My brain was scrambled. I took three steps down the stairs and BAM! There he was, walking down the opposite staircase. My eyes couldn’t move away from him. He stood out like a bright yellow dandelion in a new mown lawn. He smiled his gorgeous smile and I smiled back… trying to be gorgeous.
I stumbled the rest of the way to my locker. I knew what was next. I was excited and giddy. What was I to say? What was I to do?
I entered the lunchroom and scanned the room for my friend, Alejandra. I spotted her, tray in hand, and we strolled coolly over to his table. Ale was almost as excited as me. We sat down at the last empty place at the rounded table. He looked me in the eyes for a brief second before saying to another guy sitting next to me, “Switch me spots.” My chest exploded as he got closer and closer. He situated himself by my side and a red-haired boy pointed out, “What are you doing?!” His casual reply was “Switching.” The boy inquired, “Why?” No one said anything and the red-haired boy eyed me suspiciously. I was as happy as I could ever be.
Nervous glaces were exchanged. I looked at him admiringly. We both blushed and looked back at the table. The more comfortable we got the more we talked to eachother.
I made casual conversation with the neighboring boys. I listened and commented, having a wonderful time. I turned back to Ale who was eating in silence. I tried to include her in the chat and sometimes whispered or giggled to her. He laughed at my comments and I laughed at his. We sat together for a long time. He’s perfect, I thought.
Once everyone finished eating we all stood up at once. Wanting to give Ale some deserved attention, I went over to him. The minute I arrived at his side he averted his eyes to me, pausing his conversation with another guy. “Thank you so much, -----,” I said, brimming with optimism. He nodded and smiled that winning grin of his, “Anytime.”
There will be a next time, I guarantee it. Today has been one of the best days of my life.

The Hardest Thing to Say is Goodbye

I think I'm a curse.
April started out with the "passing" of my iPod. Her name was Jana. Walking home is so much more quiet. Cleaning the kitchen is so much more painful. Singing without a professional in the background feels incomplete. I miss that thing to death and now wake up to the obnoxious "BEEP BEEP"ing my stupid alarm makes.
Shortly after this tragedy my parents informed us that we were going to Texas to see our cousins. "How is this bad?" you ask. Just a couple days later our dreams were crushed. We weren't going. This made me miss my cousins even more. They had moved out of our house in November and I hadn't talked to or seen them since.
Well, what do you know? About a week later I had the most terrible nightmare I'd had in quite a while. In it I lost one of my best friends. I woke up extremely concerned until I realized it was dream. All day I still felt very cautious and sad.

Then today, May 2, 2010, I really did lose someone. Not to death, but one of my Beehive leaders was released from her calling. She and I had a special connection that went back to when I first joined the Young Women. I cried at church. I certainly made a spectical of myself sitting there bawling. Several leaders and other Young Women came over to attempt to comfort me. My leader and I cried together. We hugged for what seemed like hours. I almost thought my tears would leave stains on her dress. I turned cherry red and shook all over... a pathetic sight. When I finally left her and strolled down the hall to find my mother, I could feel people's eyes on me as I passed. Mom and I drove home to the sound of my stuttered breathing. When we pulled into my garage, I told the story, even back to the first day that leader and I met. I cried more than I knew I could. I lay on my bed for a while, thinking how much I'd miss her and what it would be like without her love and support. I still have amazing leaders and friends, but I'll always miss her. Goodbye Sister Mason.